She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
