So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
