that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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