i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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