Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Is it because I queefed?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
