I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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