Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
