I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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