peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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