GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
