Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
