Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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