you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I DEMAND FORESKIN
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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