I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
