Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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