I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
