so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
