Do you still have your period?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
