Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I touched a dick in church today
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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