Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
