I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
