Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Drunk is not a location!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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