my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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