I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We named our party play list daddy issues
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
