I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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