Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
