so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
