Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
