well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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