I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
