She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
