Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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