i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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