Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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