drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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