I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
