That's intense
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
