how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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