You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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