Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's blow job season.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
