Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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