Come see our sink grown plant.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
