wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why do cheetos always look like penises
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
