We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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