Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
