I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
