if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
