He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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