There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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