Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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