We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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