if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
