i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
