2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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