It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Less talking, more tequila
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
