Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
