Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is Oprah even human
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
