Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
