just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
