At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
