Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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