Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
