I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
