it was like eating out sand paper
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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