dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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