...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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